ill mind of Tay

my heart is staying lifted, my mind is feeling gifted, im finally learning i got this, no more writing on my wrist. ignorance is bliss, i kissed away my past & wrote my wrongs on my list, enjoy the sunshine, even thru the rain, the beauty in this world is way better than any drug in your vein, if you dont accept my past go ahead & unfollow, cause im way to blessed to drown in old sorrows, also delete my number if you cant help me create a better tomorrow.­čîÄ­čĺÄ

The Soundtrack of my Life

Born in 94,, strawberry blonde & blue eyes, my mom couldnt cut ties with the fact that she was 19 & pregnant with a child that came from a handful of lies, i was a mistake, mom couldnt have babies & the condom happened to break. How she gonna raise a child, when shes still one herself? How much more can she take? Nightmares started early, pain inside & out, the memory of 4 years old haunts me, leaves my view of love clouded with doubt. God made me short, but made my heart stout. Starting school was abnormal, no father holding my hand walking me inside made my small mind extra paranormal, you thought you could win my heart with music when you decided to sneak into my life, you thought by bringing me into your world you were doing right but you only hurt me more with a heart thats a knife. Young but i seen it all, from drugs to abuse, my mom tried to hold me up while she continued to fall. I moved to a place where the sun always shines & the palm trees stand tall, little did i know you were a fruit that wasnt so ripe at all. You didnt help us stand, you watched us crawl. Im making love to my first love as we speak, a notebook knows what my i cant say when i feel weak, my thoughts are water & a pen is my leak. My second love was a pom poms & a football field, i felt complete & had something for myself to build. You stole that away too, when your true colors continued to reveal. You took me away from the bittersweet life i had, my mom thinking its whats best, my heart sad & mad, im still supposed to call you dad? after seeing what i saw? My mom in tears, backed up against the wall? You in a constant brawl with yourself & alcohol? When i lost my granny, who was my world, i became colder & i let my anger unfurl. Everything that lifted me up was up in smoke, i wish weed was the only thing i saw you toke. Living life in a blur, i put on the invisibility cloak. When it came to boys i always saw you, no trust, guard up, i saw rainbows in black & blue, i ruined a lot of good because bad endings were all i knew. I knew god but i didnt walk with him, i felt like a dull rock in a bag of magnificent gems, little did i know he was smiling above looking at a blooming flower that was merely a stem. Ill never forget that August day, mom picked me up crying, swole face, blank eyes, i knew youd gone away. You broke the first promise you ever made me, i knew you wouldnt stay. You threw away a family like a fast food tray. I then hated i had your eyes, look at myself in the mirror & only heard your lies, you call yourself a man? Your only good at goofbyes. I remind myself to never dwell on my past, the demons i fought made me into a individual that will last. I tried to escape, so i became friends with drugs because they could relate, but my friend backstabbed me & gave me more hate. I lost myself for years but i gained knowledge, learned more in the streets than i could ever learn in college. My friend became my enemy but you know what they say, keep your friends close & enemies closer, i let the drugs run over me like a bull dozer. I was sleeping with sins & bathing in fire, but god still felt my desire. My heart ached one day & I remembered that there was a way to get way more higher. I said goodbye to an old friend, you were supposed to help me feel better & you were a liar & this friendship i retire. I get high off the beauty of life & faith of a better place, my crooked thoughts in my head in a glads case, gone but never forgotten my past is written in pen so it cant be erased, by my story isnt halfway over, all the people who tried to untie my shoes they’re tighly laced i still have my dreams to chase & The love of the Lords grace.

Differientality 

“Embrace your origionality. Free your screaming, vibrant thoughts, instead of locking up your wild, colorful spirit. Pour it into this caged up, black and white world. Basic is bland. Let your fiery devils dance out of your head, be what everyone is too scared to show”-Let your mind find the answers that your heart steadily questions, my thoughts stay going like a viagra erection, my feelings are dying like a fatal injection. My fate is set in stone there was no selection, I’m a different breed you couldn’t find fear in a top to bottom inspection. 
The physical scars could never compare to the emotional pain, sometimes I cut myself with sin to keep from going insane. I’m burning myself and there’s no one to blame, I’m starting to believe that you and I are not the same, that’s why I make the rules to an unbeatable game, trying to look at the big picture like it has no frameÔŁĄ­čĺÄ

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